Year Ender

Sitting right here,

On the same spot where almost two years have been

Thinking about something

What can I do more than breathing?

A day or two

another year will be over

Im quite bored with my life here abroad.

Though I’ve tried to enjoy every moment I spend

Im still asking, When will this end?

Two months to go,

I know i’ll finally be home

Its little time i know

But the days are gone so slow

Lord, how can I make it go

Without feeling so low?

Ive been used to hear

The language i only learned a little to say,

I have loved people everyday

That filled my life with so much joy and a little dismay.

Lord, will we still have this friendship

even when we’re miles away?

Thoughts popping all over my head

Thinking what’s next if this will be the end

I’m not satisfied but i am not that bad

I even tried to be good though its hard

Lord, thank you. You are all I ever had.

I cant promise ill be good next year

But i know that i’ll be getting older

That guidance you gave me all throughout this year,

I hope and pray will continue even if I forgot to say

In my little prayer every night and day

You’ll always hear my heart anyway.

I am blessed all this year

And I am claiming a new year

With love and life worth paying

Of the price You’ve paid on that cross while dying.

For the love that came down

I promise I won’t frown and give You this blissful heart of mine.

You are my Beloved, that I will hold unto til the end.

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You are My Gods Gift to me.

Long before I met you, I told myself to be more careful whom to give my heart and trust to. Be happy by myself and not depending on someone who will be with me anytime I wanted to. During my downfalls, no one was there to give me a hand. Those times draw me closer to God. He was my everything and my only one. Those pains and disappointments I have fades away the moment I knew I have Him. Ive been too busy serving Him that the idea of true love was out of the picture. I continued praising Him and fervently lifted my hearts desire.

I was happy then. I have no regrets waiting for the right time and for the right man even if it will take a lifetime. But prayers that comes deep inside my heart might be the loudest! The Lord heard and answered. My heart was too consistent and was full of genuinity that He would love to give me what it prayed for.

Then there comes You.

The unexpected being that i never thought i could have. The moment you entered my world everything becomes positive. We’ve known each other as leaders in CFC community but we never thought that “us” could be possible. You took the courage to be friends with me even Im a bit harsh on you. When you had your confession, i rejected it at first because of the fact that I am still scared. Anxious of the things that i might regret in the future and worries the friendship that I might break if everything fails. Months passed by yet you remain by my side and built a well trusted relationship. I admit i had trust issues and you knew that. You constantly remind me to look for the positivity of life even if everything falls down.

Youve become the bestfriend i never had before. You patiently listens to my rants and complaints about life. The struggles Ive been through was never been too big everytime you pray with me. You stayed as my mentor to keep my temper down and to be good to people even if i wanted to yell. Instead, you listened to my loudest cries and shared my unhappy, useless thoughts. I feel sorry for that, but you were weird saying your happy when you saw my worst!

I prayed a little longer to have the courage and confidence to be your girl. I know within me that i have lots of flaws. I was too lousy to think about that. The Lord again never fail to hear my heart. I didnt actually know when it started but i knew right then that i have fallen in love. This time, its real!

You did whatever I asked you to do and most of the time I am euphoric whenever you did something that makes my heart skip a beat. You did almost everything I never did experienced before. That white rose, those unexpected home visits and endless surprises. You always treated me like a fragile glass, careful enough to hold me not to break. You knew that I had an awful memory from my past birthday, but you again surprised me and change that birthday nightmare into a birthday worth reminiscing. You were the gentleman I never knew still existed! You were my first date in Valentines Day and you were the first to visit me during holidays.

When we were official, i only had a month with you for the reason that I have to leave the country for my career. It was hard but we need to be strong. It is almost two sad years from now but we never changed. Though we fight, argue and sometimes leads to hate we still cling on the main reason why there was us. We still believe that this too shall pass and these were just petty quarrels that doesn’t need exaggerations. Thank God we think the same. Long distance relationship is a no no for me but we endured every misunderstandings. Weve both proven that distance will never be a hindrance when two hearts beat as one.

Through our prayers all this time, we have stayed still together. You were there patiently waiting for my homecoming. We don’t have perfect relationship but we fill in those imperfections between us. The challenges that we have overcome were proofs that the love and trust that we have were deeply rooted. Someday, time will make its way for us to meet again. Im excited to explore the world with you. Im excited to argue with you face to face! Haha Thank you for loving a Brat like me. Your patience was truly amazing! Thank you for being my prayer partner. Thank you for staying with me until now. I am blessed for having you. The guidance that the Lord provided us is one thing ill be forever grateful for. Thank you Lord!

P.S. I have failed once, but never twice.! Im claiming it.

Merry Christmas everyone! Lets Just Love! 😍🎁🎄😍

To the opposite version of me.

I am thankful to every person i have met and got a chance to know as well. I am blissful to have someone by my side during my long talks and tear dropping stories. Right now, since its a special day to someone i knew, this is all about you.

We’ve met less than a year but it feels like we’ve known each other for so long. I admit I am the loudest and you are the silent one. If I could speak 5 words you would only speak 2! I am obviously short and you are quite blessed with those long legs of yours. We studied at different nursing schools but we shared the same profession. (Proud Nurses here!) We are not even neighbors yet we have places we both love. We have the passion of reading and writing as well. We have different religion but we have same God we worship to. The most important is that we share the same kiligs in every kdrama we watch. Today, we are even in years of age and thankful enough that the year 1991 created amazingly talented people! (Did i just reveal our age?haha)

To you my friend, living this world is always unfair. If you are good enough to people who doesn’t know your worth, You are deeply valued by those who knows you most. We cannot foresee the future, but remember to keep your manners as you face your daily adventures.

If life gives you lemon, don’t just make lemonades. Spare some for your skin. It won’t just refresh you from the inside, it will make you glow outside too. You can’t be too busy in meeting life’s expectations. Remember you have to stumble down a hundred times for you to learn how to walk. As you age, I hope that you would have the courage to risk for the things you’re afraid of. Failures may want you to stop but the attitude of trying again will help you stand up.

I belittle your betrayals and pains right now compared to the will you have to go on. I know somehow that you’re not that easy to give up!

Happy Birthday Roomie! Wishing you a lot of happiness and fulfillment of your heart’s desire! God bless you always! Boyfie soon! Hahaha

The Missing piece that never fits.

Falling in love is something that we look forward to in this entire lifetime. Being In Love reminds us of how beautiful and fancy the world could be. And staying in love is a challenge that we need to overcome everyday. The latter part seems difficult.

Experiencing this beautiful event is worth the wait for almost everyone. Some may have been in this earlier than you, or maybe later than me. The feeling of having someone who cares for you, loves you and never judges you was a dream most of us ever wanted. Having the guts and the go to dive in a situation like this, means allowing yourself to get hurt at the least if not the most.

I’ve fallen in love at a very young age and felt like everything’s going to end just fine. Not knowing the consequences I might face or the heartbreaks it may give. I’m just happy and carefree that leads to be responsible in that decision. As I do my part as the woman of the relationship I never included “Me” it’s just all about “Him”.

The things I’ve done was sincere enough to be the best, yet too bad its the opposite for some. I’ve learned to hold on to something that i know was mine but betrayed by the feeling that something isn’t right. Years and years and so many years have past, I was blinded by the sincerity i gave to the person I thought would be my last. Being in love provided me all the “okays” in every hurts I have and “I believe” in every lie I heard. (Martyrdom at its Finest!haha)

As the relationship continued, We were both doing fine and thinking we were really fine. Until the day it left me all the broken pieces at once. I keep on asking myself why it ended. Am I at fault? Am I not worth fighting for? Or Am I wrong at the very beginning? Answers to these questions took me so long.

I didn’t have the courage to accept that everything is nothing. I don’t even have the confidence to face another day with a smile. To make it short im just so wasted inside and out. The fact that the love I thought would never end just ended leaving me with pains and tears for the very long time. But then, tapping my own shoulder and saying Its Okay, Its Fine seems the strongest advise I give myself.

Let go and Let God. Yes a powerful word that help me get over it. The thing that usually makes you back to your normal state. Where in you definitely know that your whole again. I’m thankful for the experience and I’m glad we’ve met.

Lessons are always learned the hard way, and for me it might be hard but It did a great job. Those heartbreaks and tears were the ways of God telling me that “I’m saving you from the wrong person,Kid!” Its okay to fall in love, its normal to be in love but it’s just difficult to stay in love.

Now, as I’ve learned a lot from that despicable experience I can finally understand why Love can’t stand alone. Despite of falling, being and staying,Praying takes the biggest part at all.

The missing piece within us that we desperately look after might not really fit at all. Let’s wait for His time to hand over us that missing piece. For it will surely fit this time.

PS: I’m in a relationship now and constantly praying He could be the fitted one.

Unknown Comfort

We once grew up having someone to depend on. A person you can share your thoughts with, not only for those happy ones but also with the downfalls of life. I am a firm believer that aside from our parents, our siblings takes the bigger part of being that someone.

Truly not all are as close as what others are specially during childhood. We usually fight, argue and that becomes our habit while we are young. We talk nonsense and bully the one that quoted as the “black sheep”of the family. The youngest will always be the favorite while the eldest will do all the talking and bossing out when the parents are nowhere to found. Neighbors tend to talk who amongst is the prettiest, the brightest and the kindest. Rivalry is normal but not til you were adults.

Talking about adulthood, each of us faced the fact that being united with our sibs seems like impossible.

Yes, impossible. You grow up fast, gets busy on your school works and later on forgot that you worked your ass out to earn. Then as time goes by you realized how much you miss those pointless arguments and your night strolls. You suddenly remember who eats the most and who takes a bath the longest. Even the cold breeze reminds you of the holiday seasons where you share the same table as a complete family.

Living away from home and not seeing your brothers and sisters as much as you want to leaves a little ache. But the comfort it gives you when you hear their endless stories and seeing their annoying faces was something to be treasured.

Life leads us differently. Goals and dreams have its own way to make us successful yet it often leads us to depart from the ultimate success we ever dreamt of. Though at times of missing home, the thought of having each other brings comfort in our lonely world. Distance was too much to handle but the love we have is just unstoppable.

Thank you for being the strength and believing that the choices we’ve made were right. The comfort you give makes us closer from home.

Supposed to be My First.

I first discovered this wordpress blog a month ago through my friends. They share their own blogs through social media and i can’t help myself reading it. May it be a life struggle or a pure thanksgiving. I am always inspired and empowered by their words and the messages they convey. I can see every words by heart directed to mine.

Usually, I am fond of writing my thoughts in a piece of paper where I can only listen to my unspoken words. Then the thought of giving a try writing in a blog crossed my mind. Not giving up my paper and pen though. Recently I published Unknown Comfort which doesn’t answer the question why I started to write a blog.

I honestly hesitated at first, that feeling of “ the world might know my thoughts” scares me. I’ve decided not to explore or publish this site though I already created an account. As I embrace the uniqueness of my own self, I realized to not be selfish in sharing my thoughts to others. You didn’t know who you inspire in every single word uttered. Though criticism is just around the corner, expressing yourself is not a sin at all.

Helping me to be as confident as you are matters a lot. I look forward in sharing more than i can give and inspire more than i desire. Till the next one.